A year before my wife died I wrote her a love letter to say everything that needed saying while we still had time. I knew that if she didn’t find recovery soon her life would come to an end. Now I want to record the letter publicly so it will live forever, as does our love. Here is what I wrote:

“When my dad died recently I realized how very important it is not to have left things unsaid. When my mom died so long ago it was so sudden and unexpected I grieved for years not knowing how to tell her everything I wanted to say. The events of these past years have made me finally realize that we may not have much time left to say things to each other. So with this letter I want to write down what I want you to know.

I love you today more than ever before. And I have loved you most of the years I have had on this earth. I think it started when we were 12 years old and I got to be near you as “brother and sister”. When we began dating as boyfriend and girlfriend you were all I could think about. I never understood how a girl so beautiful would want to be with me. I knew when I was 16 more than anything else in this world I wanted to spend my life with you. To this day that desire has not changed.

Our marriage was a natural extension of our relationship and love. We started out with no material wealth and very little income. Fortunately hamburger was only 25 cents a pound back then or I think we would have gone hungry.

You gave me two beautiful children. I know today that I wasn’t helpful in those early years raising our children. You carried the load and nurtured them into their teen years. In recent weeks they have told me again how much they love you and look to you for the help only their mother can give.

During those years we still didn’t have a big income or fancy things. But your love for me, the kids, and our marriage held strong.

You were the only one in my life who understood my pain when I lost my mother. The events that followed broke apart my father’s family. To this day I cry thinking about that terrible time. But you carried me through – you were always there for me.
I’ve seen over the years many mistakes I have made in our marriage, friendship, and time together. I would love dearly to turn back the clock carrying with me what I know today to start our journey over again, but life doesn’t work that way.

When we went through empty-nesting and my career change I relied on you to get me through. You are my strength, my courage, and my hope. I am completely and entirely lost without you.

When we started life together there were so many things I wanted – but I always had you. Today I can’t think of anything I still want, but I’m losing you. So I want to write for a while about the present.

The disease you are fighting has stirred up just about every emotion in me. I’ve been terribly afraid, angry, depressed, and downtrodden – but I have also been made keenly aware of how much I miss you when you’re not here. I have mobilized all of my energy to fight the disease, and I’ve been called to a renewed sense of duty as we struggle together to bring you back to health. Sadly most of our communications today are colored by the emotions of the moment. And I’m learning that when I strike out at the disease too often I miss and hit you instead. No, not physically, but emotionally and sometimes verbally. I fall down exhausted, crying that I can’t do anything to stop the disease. I am totally undone.

Finally I am beginning to realize that I have started the grieving process over losing you.

I would gladly give up everything to save you. I would exchange my life for yours if I could. I have had months to think this through now. If it will help you fight the disease I will give up my job, my wealth, my way of life, and everything I hold dear to get you back. I love you with every fiber in my body and I want you to live.

Nevertheless I am now trying, oh so hard, to put your choices, desires, and decisions back in their proper place. I’m beginning to see it is disrespectful – and I take away your dignity – when I try to control what you choose as your future.

Right now I have a pretty strong sense that our time together may be growing short. Although I won’t ever let go, this disease seems to be gaining the upper hand. So today I renew my vows to you and God that I’ll be right here until death do us part. I really love you – today, now, and in the present with the same love you have had for me all these years.

If our life together ends please remember I will carry you in my heart to the grave. I am forever grateful for all you’ve done for me – all the love you’ve shown – all your patience – and encouragement – our kids – our grandkids – and all that you’ve brought into my world. If I were to live 100 lifetimes I could never repay you. I will forever kindle the flame that held us together all these years.

I really do love you with all of my heart.

I just needed to say these things to you clearly before you go."